she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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