just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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