Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
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We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
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I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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