So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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