dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
