He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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