I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
