I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
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I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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