the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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