Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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