im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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