why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
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Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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