I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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