If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
