JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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