Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
