i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
