I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
