He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Can you bring me the toilet please
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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