oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
