Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
