i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
