definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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