ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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