how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
