I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
