This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
