she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
