I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
