I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
