so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
