Dude my mom stole all your condoms
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
