Whod you bang
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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