When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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