She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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