guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
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He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
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Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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