9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
