I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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