I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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