You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
You smell like stripper and shame
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
