Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Sober January is a disaster.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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