so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
