my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
