I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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