We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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