Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
