Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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