I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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