6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Cover your peen. We're going out.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
