tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
