also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I have aggressive nipples.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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