I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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