Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
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I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
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just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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