I need help removing her.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
