So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Randomize
