scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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