Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
