took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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