Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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