You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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