Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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