When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
