The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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