Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
