I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
