Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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