listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
