i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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