trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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