After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
