I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
You left your phone here
Wait...
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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