Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
