Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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