I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
