I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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