you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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