I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
