i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
