My sheets look like a crime scene.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My vagina just clenched in fear
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
