he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
pray to the hookup gods
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
