I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
