I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
