I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
