Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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